Several times through my life I have thought about ditching the drink and feebly tried. My family have always drunk daily, being brought up mainly by my Nan where a whisky and Sherry at lunchtime was the norm. Any time out with my mum ended up at a pub, enjoying times at beer festivals with my dad. It was normal! But then my first marriage ended due to my husband having too much fun with the booze. He was a gray area drinker. Didn’t have to have it the second he woke up but when he was on it, he couldn’t stop which led to other issues!!!
I have tried to stop repeatedly, but this little voice perched on my shoulder has said “go on you know you deserve just one little drink!” You don’t have a problem, you can still function and decent waking up with the shakes needing booze. Then there we have it, my ditching the booze streak has gone.
Since the first lockdown and deciding making my own alcohol was a worthy hobby (yes it is, if you want to have 101 bottles of wine and beer in your home needing drinking to free up space!) I decided maybe it wasn’t for me. Yes I was ignoring the pandemic, but also my body wasn’t thanking me for it.
Undertaking my yoga teacher training was amazing. It made me rethink my need for the booze. I wanted more time to focus on me, my yoga and my family not just temporarily numbing out my inner troubles. Stopping was working great until a yoga teacher mentioned to me, right the yoga is over, time for a nice glass of wine. Ok then, right there I decided it must be ok to drink! And back down the rabbit hole I went. That pesky wine witch is such a pickle persuading me drinking is fine, it is even good for you!
Teaching my outdoor yoga classes in the evenings over the summer meant I was practicing yoga, supporting others and reducing my time to drink. Yes I had a drink afterwards to congratulate my self but it was 1 rather than 4! Being outdoors and connecting with nature felt great.
Then my yoga evening classes 4 days a week and my moon yoga really left me feeling amazing and limited time to drink. Whoop, I was feeling great. Then lockdown 2 kicked in again…… oh no teaching yoga tonight, my son was in and out of hospital, I needed a drink to relax. After all it was a very stressful time. I didn’t drink every day but it was like Pringles, once you pop you just can’t stop! Drinking left less time for me, my yoga and my family. Temporarily numbing me but causing me to push deeper my despair.
January 10th I thought to myself, this is going to go on for a long time…. am I sure this is what I want. I had joined the sober club before with Janey Lee Grace (I have followed her since imperfectly natural home when my big kids were tiny!). This time there were loads of free groups I could dabble with first with dry January. So I joined club soda. I then decided this is for me! I am going to do it!
I decided spending £8 on a bottle of AF drink is fine as usually I would spend double that on wine a night. So I purchased loads to support me and get me through this time. I might as well have shares in Boucha-Komboucha!!!! Loving becks blue, sheppys alcohol free cider and friels cider too! But the boucha-Komboucha leaves me feeling healthy too!!! I was using my gin glass I purchased myself at Christmas to make me feel more adult and special! And invested in some quit lit!
I am now 39 days in and wanting to make it to at least 100. I know there are lots of reasons my little wine witch is sending me to drink, but even more to keep off the booze. Remembering the evenings with my kids, not waking at 3am hating myself for drinking again! I am less bloated in the belly and face. This is the first time in ages my boobs have stuck out further than my belly!!!
It isn’t easy though. The last couple of days have felt like hell, but some of my yoga buddies who haven’t given up the booze have also said they too feel like hell. So maybe it is just Covid doing a number on all of us. Rolling out my yoga mat makes me feel grounded and safe. The movements and breathing gives me time to clear my mind and by the time I roll it back up again the feeling of wanting to drink has passed. A bath helps massively too or reading!
Not saying anyone has to give up drinking, but if any of you do I am here if you want to talk about it! I am here to talk even if you are just finding things tough at the moment. We are here to support each other. One of the things my yoga is all about. Supporting others.